A Dog's Dog
Ever go to the grocery store and the cashier says... "how are you today?" and you really actually tell them? You're suppose to say "fine" or "good." Everyone says “fine” or “good.” When you tell them the truth - something horrible like “I totaled my car last night!!!” - the cashier gets that deer in the headlights look.... Where were the words FINE AND GOOD were in that sentence?
They roll to AutoResponse #2: they tell you something bad to make you feel better. "Well... at least it's not like my brother’s girlfriend... she totaled her mother’s car and it was a Mercedes.... " Good ole AutoResponse #2: You must never forget! Things can always be worse!
It's been a rough week. In fact I wondered how I would ever write something funny ever again. They say from great tragedy comes great comedy. Ha! If that is so this is going to be some really good comedy!! …. My dog died yesterday. Honest. She really did. She was 12 and a Jack Russel Terrier and everyone in the whole world loved her. When the lady at Harris Teeter yesterday said "HOW ARE YOU TODAY?" I lied, “Oh I am just fine!!” I didn’t want to hear AutoResponse #2! I gave that girl my VISA and got my ice cream and got out of there...!!!
I am doing better than I expected. In real words: I've only ate one box of ice cream in 24 hours. I know - amazing isn’t it?
Oh! Don't worry. I know how to cope!There is a second box in the freezer: Double fudge chocolate brownie! Yes indeedy!!
I stood 2” from the glass at the FREEZER Section at Harris Teeter yesterday and said "Thank you baby Jesus Harris Teeter doesn't sell crack cocaine. “
They don’t give crack cocaine cute names like "Moose Tracks" or “Chunky Monkey” or "Fudge Ripple" .... that name just tickles me all over to say it. "Fudge Ripple" ... Butter pecan.... "Rocky Road" Oh so cute names! They tickle your tongue and add inches to your buttocks!!
Rascal was a dog’s dog. She once cornered a bobcat in an outhouse and wrestled with it for an hour and stole a ‘possum away from it. She ran free, every day. There was not a fence made that could hold her - or keep her out. She’d go in folks’ dog door, vacuum up leftover cat food and take a nap on their couch -- with their cat. Babies and children pulled her ears. Poked her in the eyes. Stuck their little hands in her mouth and checked out her teeth. She'd lay belly up as they poked on her. Other dogs' bad manners were instantly corrected. No viciousness required. That was her life: sleeping with cats, playing with babies, and keeping other dogs in line. Oh! And going for walks! If anyone went for a walk she went too!! But she always got home for supper at 6:30. And if I wasn’t home by 6:35, she turned over the trash can in her excitement waiting for me.
Not many of my friends are dog people though. They may even have a dog... but it's just there for the kids to play with. Like a jungle jim or xBox. So when I've talked to them this week it's... "gosh sorry you lost your shoes -- I mean dog... maybe you can get some new shoes -- I mean dog."
Or they'll say, "well anyway that was really old shoes -- I mean dog."
But the most inventive responses about Rascal are what I call the Heavenly Fantasy stories. HAND UP: I have done this myself. Several people said: "She and Papaw are fishing in Heaven right now." Ah.... honestly -- my father didn't like Rascal very well. Rascal got on his nerves - always underfoot. He was a farm boy and dogs... well they were suppose to sleep under tractors and chase varmits. ... well... Rascal WAS good at varmits.
I know everyone is just trying to make me feel better. But you know what the truth is? What no one realizes? Me too? It's ok to feel bad.
I am going to put this on an index card and put it jn my purse so I’ll remember: It’s ok to feel bad. And on the other side of that card I am going to write what I need to remember to say: "I am sorry about your shoes. They were good shoes. I will always think of your shoes kindly."
All I know is Rascal was a great dog and I am going to smile every time I think of her. As soon as I get done eating ice cream and crying. She would go up to my 92 year old neighbor's house every day at 11 o'clock and watch the Price is Right. Mrs. Louise always ate lunch right after and she'd give Rascal a biscuit. When me and Rascal traveled, Mrs. Louise would call me to find out when we were coming home because she had leftover BISCUITS AND CORNBREAD saved for Rascal, waiting for her to come home... Mrs. Louise knows, Rascal knew - ice cream may be good - but biscuits are the answer!! :-)
Thank you Rascal. Thank you very, very much. I'm going to miss being the dog's dog's human.
Check back weekly for more voices of the North Carolina Storytelling Guild. If you enjoy these stories, you're bound to enjoy the Tarheel Tellers Storytelling Festival on November 3 & 4, 2017, at the Andy Griffith Playhouse in Mount Airy, NC.
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